05 Jul 10 Ways to Talk to Your Husband about Making Financial Decisions
One of the most common things for spouses to argue or disagree about is money. In fact, many marriages end because couples cannot come to a consensus about money—what to spend, what to save, what to buy, what not to buy. Then there’s paying bills, planning for retirement, and deciding about a car, life, and health insurance. Money matters can definitely contribute to stress and tension in a marriage.
There are so many financial decisions to make, and it’s important that couples be on the same page. After all, they’re on the same team, right? But, wives, what do you do when you talk to your husband about making financial decisions, but he “checks out”? You don’t want to nag him, but you don’t want to make all the decisions yourself either. If you’re feeling frustrated and not sure how to get your husband involved in the household finances, you’re not alone.
Here are 10 practical ways to get your husband to listen and participate in making financial decisions.
#1 Approach him differently.
Obviously, if you’ve approached your husband before about his input on the family’s finances but he hasn’t taken action, then you need to try a different way of reaching him. First, make sure that the way you’re coming across is not controlling or blaming. Then, try asking a question like, “Would you like to be more involved in the budgeting process?” Or state a need or request like, “I’m feeling really overwhelmed with all the finances. I’d appreciate it if we could look at some things together.” Then decide on a time that would work for both of you.
#2 Ask for his help.
By nature, men are problem solvers. They absolutely thrive when asked to fix something whether it’s a leaky faucet, a broken bicycle, or a financial issue. In a way, this is playing the part of the “damsel in distress.” Men love to come to the rescue. Try saying something like, “I’m just not sure what to do about our car insurance. I could really use your input so we can make the right decision.” Chances are when your husband really feels needed, he’ll respond positively.
#3 Flatter him.
Yep. You heard me right, ladies. Let’s face it. Most men have egos that need attention from time to time. If you want to get your husband to talk about making financial decisions, try stroking that ego a bit. Here’s what I mean: “Honey, you’re so good at finding the best insurance rates; you always find the best deals! What do you think of these three plans?”
#4 Choose the right conditions.
It’s critically important, wives, that you do not try to talk with your husband while he’s watching his favorite sports team or doing chores. As women, we can often multitask and think and talk about many things at a time; however, men usually prefer to focus on one thing at a time. Choose the right time and the right place.
#5 Don’t surprise him; give him time.
There’s nothing worse than taking your husband off guard by bringing up a topic that he wasn’t even aware of and then expecting him to make an immediate decision. Most men need time to think about the information you just shared with them before they can decide one way or the other. Instead, consider establishing a set time each day (like 15 minutes right after dinner) where you both sit down and discuss important issues. This way, both of you can be mentally prepared to talk about financial subjects. After discussing the issues, agree on when you’ll come back together to make the final decision.
#6 Talk side by side.
Most women love to talk face-to-face while sipping on coffee while men are more wired to talk side by side as they work on a project together. Don’t expect to have a deep conversation with your husband as you look across the table into his eyes. Instead, sit side by side—or better yet, go for a walk and talk while holding hands—in order to get your husband to be more engaged in the conversation and decision-making. When you get back home, pull out the paperwork or numbers, and go over them together.
#7 Ask him about his long-term financial goals.
Get your husband to dream a little. If you can get him to think about where he wants to be financially in a few years or much later in life, you may be able to get your husband to talk about making financial decisions today to reach those goals.
#8 Don’t overtalk him!
If you feel like your husband isn’t willing to talk about making financial decisions, it could be because he’s not feeling like you’re hearing him. So take a step back and make sure that you’re not monopolizing the conversation (which we women can occasionally be guilty of!). Listen carefully, ask lots of questions, and then follow up with questions and statements like: “Tell me more about that,” “What do you mean by that?” or “Tell me why you feel/think that way.” Chances are your husband will open up more and share his true thoughts and feelings if he feels like you’ll really hear him.
#9 Don’t tell him what to do.
This is a big no-no. No one likes to be told what to do. You are your husband’s wife, not his mother. Be sure that you’re treating him as an equal partner in the financial decision-making process. If you are managing most of the household finances and telling him what he can and can’t spend, it’s possible he feels like you don’t trust him to make good decisions. If that’s not the message you want to send, then try some of the other methods listed above.
#10 Leave the past in the past.
One of the worst things you can do when you’re trying to talk to your husband about making financial decisions is to continually bring up the past—especially his mistakes. Your husband will surely shut down and not want to be involved if this is your strategy. So, let bygones be bygones, as they say, and trust that you have both learned from past mistakes. Focus on the things you agree on, and carefully and respectfully work through the things you don’t agree on.
This newsletter was prepared by a third party company to be used on the Russell & Company and Simple Money Tips for Women websites.
